Part 1

Times for me have gotten darker than men behind prison cells in this corrupted justice system,

My faith has been tested this past year & I’ve been receiving nothing but failing grades,

Haven’t spoken to God for awhile,

Our relationship took a turn,

Yet I still look up to the sky as a form of communication,

I guess you can call it sign language,

I’ve been ignoring the signs this time around,

Been fed up with myself & this life of mine,

People that circle me, that’s been orbiting for the past 10 years or so.. still don’t understand me,

Still have something negative to say with every action, I’m responsible for,

Well just let this director bee,

Let me fly from flower to flower,

Wait..this isn’t about growth,

All them flowers in the casket with the past me,

The charisma, the laughter, the happiness, the innocence,

All that shit can be found in the graveyard,

Reason oxygen still make it to my lungs is due to those who still let me..buzzzzz..around doing me & not try to play the role of god,

Yet, everybody leaves so I can’t get complacent,

Soon we will no longer be adjacent,

Then the regression will truly be more significant,

Nightmare’s of reverting back to the struggles of my past that had me thinking the rest of my life’s attendance sheet would read absent at the young age of 19,

Momma think I’m so bright,

Momma think I’m her star,

College student on the verge of receiving his second degree,

Momma ya son don’t shine bright,

Momma ya son ain’t that star in the sky,

Your son drinks until the electricity goes out,

Your son went from keeping it Wilt Chamberlain numbers with one woman,

To now acting like Wilt Chamberlain with all the other women,

I’m lost, I’m a cast away,

Yet my Wilson isn’t a volleyball, it comes in the form of a bottle,

Las drogas estan aqui,

And that’s the only way I seem to put silence to the stress & the anxiety,

Never could I open up like this before,

But for right now I’ll be a 7/11,

Then its back to banks on Sundays,

The darkness seems like the only thing that matters as of today,

Some embrace it,

While some choose to run from it,

I’m still deciding on whether to greet it with open arms,

Or to tie my shoelaces tighter.

During a time where so much people surround me,

Offer me hugs & handshakes,

I still feel so alone,

I can’t help but to smile through all the pain, that’s just me being me,

Yet alone feels so good especially when people so counterfeit,

Had to put them in the light to see for myself,

The light…..I was convinced that constant prayer was insurance that I’d be in the light for good,

Yet when shit came crashing Jake from state farm decided to not pick up the call,

So I guess I better make like Kdott & demand someone get god on the phone,

I think I’m ready to make our communication verbal again.