As I process the thoughts to put these words together I’m overcome with emotions I’ve never felt before,
A woman whose strength defined the family as a whole,
A woman who made it her goal to bring her 4 daughters to America to give them a chance at a better life,
A woman who showed me firsthand the ideology that men are stronger was a false one,
I’m a lost one,
My mother’s mother,
I just want to stay in a pitch black room under the covers,
You wouldn’t want that,
Wouldn’t want to see our facial muscles make the necessary movements to project a frown,
You’d want us to unite and drown in happiness,
I can’t momma,
I’m hurt momma,
It’s the morning of November 2, 2019,
A few hours have past since I got the text you decided to go visit god sooner then expected,
I’m writing with blurry vision,
The tears are making everything so cloudy,
It’s cloudy outside,
How poetic,
The morning of your passing the sun isn’t even in sight,
The weather matches my feelings,
So gloomy, so somber,
We were supposed to see you in Miami for thanksgiving this November,
A reunion that was long overdue,
A few days ago your voice gave life to my ears and you were thrilled at the idea of seeing all of us under the same roof for the first time in 9 years,
I’m hearing your voice in my head,
I’m hearing your laughter in my head,
All those silly nicknames you gave me,
I want to get out of my head,
The memories are painful..yet refreshing,
I have to build myself back up,
I have to build a shield of positivity around me,
I don’t want to stop writing,
I just want to keep writing,
Writing always helps me,
Writing always helps me but it doesn’t seem to be helping right now,
My cries have made it on to my phone screen,
I wipe them away,
It’s only day 1 on this earth without you and I’m already feeling like I can’t live without you,
I love you grandma,
Sincerely, your grandson whose birthday you never forgot,
January 11th, 2020 I’ll still be staring at my phone screen waiting for a call from you.
– Kenny Rhymes
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