Fed up

Follow the sorrow in these lines,

If they move you then be moved if not then be still,

I’m fed up,

20 students in my sight, 20 futures I’m trying to mold, a lack of resources I’m told is the reason these students can’t find the gold in their soul,

To be teacher, mentor, coach, therapist and part time parent has me looking for a therapist,

Insurance isn’t the best, what can I say educators sacrifice everything and get compensated as if we do nothing,

I’m fed up,

Family is blood and blood is family,

Family should be trusted,

Family should be everything,

But why is family stealing from me?

Why is family speaking behind my 6?

Gossiping on my life choices?

Family breaks hearts in a different way.

Family may never catch wind of these words,

Why?

Because family doesn’t support me.

I’m fed up,

Friends want me to be present as if that’s the only time period that matters,

Friends don’t care for my future only for our present,

Friends use the past to try to tell me I’ve changed. Well of course, the old me couldn’t survive the new me’s expectations.

Friends need to treat me like satellite and give me space,

I’m fed up,

Multiple jobs, multiple grinds, 6 days a week, 1 day off and my phone won’t stop going off,

Peace of mind been playing hide & seek with me for the past 8 months,

I’m still seeking, still failing, I’m losing my optimism,

I’m fed up,

A new living space I crave,

A new living space I need,

I’m fed up,

Haven’t spoke to pops in months,

Pops always felt being there financially growing up was enough,

Pops never told me he loved me, not once,

Pops treats little sister the same,

So we learned to show each other love,

Mom is responsible for that,

Me & pops may never speak again,

I’m fed up,

I don’t want to party away my problems,

I’ve been there & done that,

Depression isn’t just a phase,

It isn’t just a topic people speak about openly on social media,

It’s a real life issue that follows you around even after you’ve logged out,

To tell me to stop being depressed, is to tell me you don’t care for my existence,

I’m fed up,

When I say “no” please stop asking me why & just respect the “no” just like you respect the “yes” when I’m open to doing something.

I’m fed up,

If you claim to value me as an educator why overwork and underpay?

Why demand I exhaust all my mental, emotional & physical energy if you’ll just replace me in 2 weeks if you find someone that’ll do the job cheaper?

I’m fed up,

I can write for hours,

But instead I’ll leave it at minutes,

May these words remind you that even the happiest of faces go through pain that somehow never take away the smiles,

I’m fed up.

– Kenny Rhymes